About Cheerio

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In general I am a cheery and energetic person. But I am enshrouded in a cloak of iron. That cloak is the weight of greiving my son, whom I've lost to adoption.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

PPL - Pound Pup Legacy (abused adoptees)

When I started to blog, there was a lot of venting to get out the anger and pain that had built up inside of me, but there has also always been a purpose of EDUCATION to PREVENT UNNECESSARY adoptions - unnecessary separation of families.

As I  update, that means I have to take a hard look at links that may not be as current or relevant as resources.   
One link I will be removing from the left side of my blog is an old link to PPL - Pound Pup Legacy.  

At the time I linked to their site, there was an article or page relating to parenting.  The link doesn't bring up the same page, and I do not even remember exactly what all it said.  The jist; however, is that there are resources for parenting.  That even if you grew up in a less than ideal childhood - you could overcome it and become a great parent.  To me that was a resource because it is a message I wish I would have had when I was pregnant.... Because of childhood experiences, I was afraid I was doomed for history to repeat itself.  This was a tremendous factor in my decision to let go of my son.   

So, if anyone is reading this - and doubts your ability to parent - Please do not give up on yourself! There are resources to help you, to help new parents!

I cannot just delete PPL from my blog altogether.  It was started by and for abused adoptees (thank you Niels and Kerry!).   I cannot just erase and silence their voices with a quick hit of the delete key.  

And yes, it is still a "resource" for anyone considering adoption - because it shows that adoption does not guarantee your child will have the kind of home you  hope for him or her.  The only way to know for sure what kind of home your child is raised in - to know they are loved the way you would want, is for you to parent him or her.

PPL is also a tremendous "resource" for anyone who is adopted and was abused - to see that (most unfortunately) you are not alone.  This may be a place for you to start to find others to talk to who will believe you and who will get it.

For those who are curious about the link I removed, - this is what it said ...

 . . If you are, like I did, considering adoption

 primarily due to your childhood experiences, 

please visit THIS PAGE 

OH, how I wish this article was something

 I would have been introduced to when I was carrying my child.


Friday, September 23, 2016

"Sign or Else" verses voluntarily and freely

"Sign or Else" vs  "voluntarily and freely"  -- but it cannot be both

I was talking with a classmate the other week when we were on a short break.  

Having been in class with me since 2013, she is well aware of my passion for adoptee rights.  

She shared with me that a close relative is adopting a child.

Adopting a child from foster care.

She was saying that her relatives wanted an open adoption; however someone (from either the agency or a caseworker in child welfare) STRONGLY discouraged them from doing it.  Their reasoning?  Her relatives were told that if they do an open adoption, the mother can come back later at any time and take the child away from them.  So they decided to do a closed adoption.

As we were talking, I told her that this information is COMPLETELY FALSE!  (Please, if anyone knows differently, start a discussion here.)  I told her that once the original parents sign the relinquishment papers they have thirty days (in Pennsylvania) to change their mind.  After that thirty days, it is over, they legally cannot get the child back.  I expressed outrage that this person giving them advice was bullying and frightening them into a decision for a closed adoption, when the family really wanted to provide an open adoption.

Later in our conversation, this classmate also mentioned that the original mother has a newborn.  
She was told to either “voluntarily” sign the relinquishment papers for the older child, 
or they would take the newborn from her.

“Wow, there was no coercion involved , was there?  
That was a totally a voluntary choice she made, wasn’t it?”  
[I don’t think my classmate really thought about it 
until I mentioned coercion.  
Hopefully it sunk in.]

Yes, this occurred in 2016 – not 1966, or 1986.  
COERCION absolutely is alive and still at work.

"Sign or Else"

Saturday, September 17, 2016


My Poor Truck!
Yup!  It is definitely stuck!

My blog has been silent for more than a year and a half.  I have been thinking of writing more posts, but just didn't know where to start.
 Today,  9/17/2016, these pictures showed up on my FB Memories ... so now is the time.

Seven years ago we were building a retaining wall behind and alongside our house.  During one of my trips of  unloading crushed stone into a wheelbarrow to dump at the side of the house, where it was too narrow for a truck, this happened.  

When this picture popped up, I quickly remembered those days, the feelings, my thoughts. 

While moving stone, I was angry.  
I was pushing and driving my body very hard 
- telling myself it didn't matter how much I hurt, 
I was going to get this done!  
-telling myself "I" didn't matter... 
what good am I anyway?  

I felt like such a complete and total loser! 
 I already lost my son to adoption so many years earlier.  
 I failed my husband by not being able to make him a daddy.

In a phone conversation, my oldest sister pointed out that I was just punishing myself for the miscarriage, and it was both unnecessary and unhealthy.  I don't remember if I took her advice and worked at a less frenzied pace, but I did get all the stone moved.

- - - - -
I don't have an outline or planned posts or themes for blogging again.
It will just be whatever is happening at the time.
I will gradually work on overhauling the links to other sources/resources.